Parker(s) MacMillan's History

Parker's backstory is a lot. I've spent so long absorbing it and thinking about it that I kinda forgot it's convoluted as all heck. For the sake of everyone's sanity, here's a handy dandy little timeline! To the best of my knowledge it's completely free of headcanons. It also doubles as a loose prehistory recap because Parker is a lot of what happened.

Prehistory I, Season A

Prehistory begins with Parker MacMillan on the Alaskan Immortalswith the profit mod, meaning he pays out 10x as much when idolled.
The season is ordinary, and eventually the Immortals win the postseason.
At the election, Parker is hexed with firewalker (from the Antarctic Fireballs) and non-profit (from the Hawai'i Fridays). Firewalker makes teams he leaves unstable, and non-profit means he doesn't pay out to Fans of his team.

Season B

Possibly due to the actions of the Coin, during the election Parker is revoked from the Immortals and joins the Canada Artists, becoming roamin', meaning he changes teams at the end of each season. The Immortals become unstable.

Season C

On Season C Day 8, the Immortals are incinerated and replaced by the Downward Dogs.
In the Season C election, Parker is revoked from the Artists and joins the Oregon Psychics. The Artists become unstable and Parker gains the mod on an odyssey, meaning he gets a stat boost when he changes teams.

Season D

On Season D Day 3, the Artists are incinerated. However, due to Agan Espinoza having the mod fire protector, every member of the team other than Agan is spared and instead joins the replacement team, the Topeka Moist Talkers. Agan is the only one incinerated, and is sent to the hall alone.
In the Season D election, Parker is revoked from the Psychics and joins the Minneapolis Truckers. The Psychics become unstable and Parker becomes super roamin', meaning he now changes teams every 9 days instead of every season.
In the same election, Parker is equipped with the force field, preventing him from moving teams. Also on the Minneapolis Truckers is Megan Ito, a trader and traitor, meaning she has the ability to swap items with anyone, including her teammates.

Season E

On Day 9, Megan trades her broken metaphorical sunglasses for Parker's force field, releasing him to firewalk every week. When the game ends, Parker roams away, leaving the Truckers unstable.
On Day 13, the Truckers are incinerated. As Megan still holds the force field, she can't move to the hall, but she can't stay on her team as it's also in the hall. She echoes with herself and becomes static, spawning New Megan Ito, an alternate, in her place. New Megan gains the force field and joins the replacement team, the Boulder's Bay Birds.
Parker continues to roam once a week, getting a stat boost each time, leading to the incinerations of numerous teams.
Due to Parker's firewalking, a snap election is called at the end of day 99. Parker is voted MVP for the fifth time and sent to the vault, also being equipped with the force field for a second time, trapping him in the vault for the forseeable future. In the same election, the Fans vote to reset the league, ending Prehistory I.

Prehistory II

Nothing is known about Prehistory II.

Seasons 1-22

Season 1 begins with Parker MacMillan III as commissioner. There is no evidence of previous Parkers, other than a brief mention that II is "gone".
During the Grand Siesta, Parker 3 is incinerated during the Millennials v. MacMillan III trial. Parker MacMillan IIII appears on the twitter as a replacement shortly afterwards.
About a real life week later Parker 4 is percolated during the Coffee Cup. Parker MacMillan IIIII appears on the twitter.
In season 21, the first Parker's history begins to be revealed in the library. Parker 5 panics, has a breakdown and temporarily locks his twitter. Once he unlocks it, he still seems upset, making low effort partytime tweets such as "san francisco lovers #partytime" before getting scolded for his unprofessionalism and returning to the usual format.

Season 23

During the semi-centennial, New Megan takes the force field from Parker Prime, releasing him from the vault in that season's election, where he roams to the Fridays.

Season 24

Parker Prime is attacked by consumers multiple times, and Parker 5 celebrates.
Despite Parker roaming, only one team is actually incinerated by firewalker, the Fridays on Day 12. The Breath Mints are also incinerated on Day 3 completely by chance with no input from firewalker whatsoever.
parker 5's speech
On Day 81, Parker Prime roams to the prehistory Crabs, then the Immortals, and then to the Garages. Notably, the Garages are close to the Coin when she's melted the next day.
Parker Prime ends the season with the Tigers in the vault.

Short Circuits

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Fall Ball + The Return

On halloween, after a month of being listed as haunted, Parker 5 is inhabited by Parker 3, who proceeds to make a string of tweets suggesting that the hall has been left open, and that its residents can leave. After about 15 minutes he disappears and Parker 5 returns, no longer haunted.
On the tenth and final fall, Parker Prime falls to the Crabs. Parker 5 immediately tweets to say "what" and "throw him back".
Shortly before games restart, Parker 5 is alternated.
When detailed stats and attributes fall from the black hole and are revealed, Parker 5 posts Parker Prime's, commenting "oh not bad" and "oh good vibes" (referring to Prime's high vibes attributes).