Pibling Loots

A very shy, very traumatised Parker MacMillan arrives in the vault at the end of prehistory I. While they don't intend to, Lootcrates ends up becoming a better parental figure than Parker's actual mother ever was.

I can't entirely remember how or why this AU came about. I think it started as general thinking about pre-history and an interp of Lootcrates and Coin where they knew each other before blaseball and are overall more "human", and then it spiralled and centred around Parker and became one big indulgent story about healing. I don't know how common the term whump is, but it's a lotta that. It's very not canon compliant and has moments where it distorts or completely ignores parts of canon, especially in relation to the entities.

Also, pibling is a gender neutral term for uncle/auntie. This page usually refers to Loots as a parent because it's easier, but to me pibling is a more accurate description of their relationship

Prominent Characters

Parker MacMillan Filler filler filler (he/they)
Lootcrates (Loots) Custodian of the vault and the ILB's historian. Functionally Parker's adoptive parent. (it/they)
The Coin (Aequitas) Power hungry capitalist who hides that with smiles. Parker's mother. All around horrible person. (she/her)

Other Characters

Namerifeht - filler filler filler (any prns)

Key Notes

The Legendary Statues headcanon is an important part of the story, and it's recommended you read that page first
Takes place on the A-Bit-More-Familiar Immaterial Plane
Lootcrates and Aequitas (and most other entities) aren't gods, but are a seperate "species" distinct from players
Lootcrates, Aequitas and Namerifeht all knew each other pre-prehistory. Namerifeht has worked for the ILB (ULB at the time) as long as anyone can remember, Lootcrates became the historian shortly before prehistory began, and Aequitas took over either before or during the discipline era.
No one (relevant to this story) in-universe knew about the hall of flame before it was revealed in season 7

Pre-Prehistory

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Prehistory

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Season E + Snap Election

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The Inbetween

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The Semi-Centennial

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parker preserved
During his second at bat, the gold keeping Parker preserved melts early under the heat of the suns (only melting him as a result of his higher body temperature due to firewalker)
Loots rushes out of the commentary box to comfort Parker, and tells him there's nothing they can do and that Aequitas already knows he's out.
When Aequitas finds her way down to Loots, she reprimands them for unacceptible behaviour and keeping secrets about her son from his mother and their boss. After noticing Parker's fear, Loots confronts her, saying that if she wanted to be treated as his mother, she should have acted like one when she had the chance to. Coin is caught off guard and, in an attempt to save face, leaves without further argument. Loots returns to the commentary box and Parker returns to the game.
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Season 24

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Parker briefly roams to the Immortals, but hides from them until the roaming takes him elsewhere, afraid that they hate him for getting them incinerated.
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Back in the Vault

Upon returning to the vault, Parker reunites with the Immortals who welcome him with open arms. However, he's conflicted; even though he now knows they're all alive and well, he still got them all put through a traumatic experience. Loots, having been told by them that they all missed him, encourages him to spend time with them and catch up. Delighted, Parker happily obliges.
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